Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Opinion Today: ‘The load of grief often becomes lighter’

Meghan Markle on healing in this unprecedented year.
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By Kathleen Kingsbury

Acting Editorial Page Editor

Emma De Jesus’s words have haunted me since I read them last year: “I will never be over the loss of that baby.” De Jesus spoke to Times Opinion about the two miscarriages she suffered before giving birth to her son, and while I knew the numbers — that about 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage — and I know people I love have lost pregnancies, this mother’s raw pain stayed with me. I wished there was something I could do to help.

Today, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, writes about the simple power of reaching out to make sure someone who’s suffering is doing OK. In her Op-Ed essay, Meghan reveals that she had a miscarriage this past summer. But she is not writing about loss or grief, or at least not in the way you’d assume. What her essay is about is the power of connection to restore hope.

Since she became part of Britain’s royal family in 2018, Meghan has been a rare public figure whose personal struggles — with racism, with public criticism, with being a new mother — resonate deeply with ordinary people. So her decision to share this story is perfectly in character.

“We have learned that when people ask how any of us are doing,” Meghan writes, “and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us.”

Of course, this advice extends beyond the loss of a pregnancy, especially in 2020. “This Thanksgiving,” Meghan goes on, “as we plan for a holiday unlike any before — many of us separated from our loved ones, alone, sick, scared, divided and perhaps struggling to find something, anything, to be grateful for — let us commit to asking others, ‘Are you OK?’”

Wishing everyone a “Happy Thanksgiving” feels a little over-optimistic this year. Maybe it’s enough to ask how you’re doing.

This newsletter will be off tomorrow and Friday for the holiday. It will return to your inbox on Monday.

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