Thursday, December 17, 2020

Opinion Today: How to give better gifts

A cognitive scientist's guide.
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By Aaron Retica

Editor-at-large, Opinion

Readers sometimes ask me how editors find writers. These days, the answer is often, “She emailed me,” but occasionally there is a more interesting back story, and so it is with Dan Willingham, a psychologist at the University of Virginia who writes for Opinion about the cognitive science behind everyday life.

My wife teaches second graders at a public school in Manhattan — in person, for now. As a union member, she gets a magazine called American Educator, which does not sound particularly riveting, I admit. But I am a person who just starts reading whatever comes into the house, sometimes to ill effect. In this case, though, the material was quite fascinating. Dan writes a column for the magazine called “Ask the Cognitive Scientist,” in which he tries to apply current psychological research about how we learn to help teachers. The union lets him do this even though he also wrote a book called “Why Don’t Students Like School?”

So in 2014, when New York City’s much-maligned mayor, Bill de Blasio, was first trying to establish universal preschool, I asked Dan and a colleague of his how to get more early bloomers. Our relationship blossomed, and so has Dan’s relationship with our readers, who have devoured his pieces on why we aren’t curious about the things we want to be curious about, how to get your mind to read and why there is no such thing as multitasking. Occasionally I will have a question that I’m puzzling over in my own life that I want Dan to answer (a cool part of being an editor) which is partly how we ended up with pieces that told us whether it matters if you listen to a book or read it (it does) and whether you’re an auditory or a visual learner (it doesn’t).

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This time around, we asked Dan to tell us how not to be selfish — or foolish or over-the-top — gift givers. It turns out that there are at least five ways to give better gifts, according to cognitive science. One intriguing point came from the research of Jeff Galak at Carnegie Mellon: As Dan puts it, “Givers are actually a bit selfish. They favor dramatic, expensive, surprising gifts because they want to see the recipient’s delight.” In other words, they aren’t actually thinking enough about the needs of the gift recipient. What I found most compelling about Dan’s piece is that it’s also a little secret history of how to be a better person, but even if you don’t go that far, I’m pretty sure you’ll get something out of it, which means that someone you love will too.

Programming note: After tomorrow, this newsletter will be off for the next two weeks for the holidays.

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