How a musical performance helped reframe a non-relationship.
Most of us with absent fathers think, "What about me?" We rarely stop to ask, "What about him?" |
 | | Roy Ayers during a taping of the TV show "The Midnight Special" in Burbank, California, 1977. Jeffrey Henson Scales/HSP Archive |
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My introduction to music predates my memory. In the same way that I can't recall my first breath of fresh air or my first spoonful of mushy food, I can't recall a time when I didn't hear music in my head and feel it in my body. I started playing drums at a very young age, and as a child, I assumed that my musical interest and natural ability were products of my father's DNA: I've never known my father, but I've always known his music. |
As a teenager who wanted more than anything to play in a real band, I considered my musical lineage to be an asset: My father, Roy Ayers, was a great musician, so naturally I thought I had it in me to become great. At that age, I never considered that my mother and uncle — the people who raised me — spent considerable time and effort to develop my natural interest and ability, and that their contributions may have influenced me more than my father's. |
I played and recorded in several bands, but I never managed to become as successful a musician as my father, and in my mid-30s, I stopped touring and committed to a career on the business side of the industry. I've spent a lot of time internally debating the source of my fascination with music. I've always known that my father is talented. But as I wrote in my essay for Times Opinion, I never fully grasped what drove his success until I witnessed a performance that caused me to reframe my view of our non-relationship. |
This Father's Day, I have several men to celebrate: my uncle, who bought me a drum set when I was 2 and a half years old; my drum teacher, who decided when I was 10 years old that I should also learn to play guitar; the many friends and family members who bought me records and concert tickets; and yes, my father, even if his role was simply to pass down his DNA. |
| READ NABIL'S FULL ESSAY HERE | | |
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